


chrollo and the gang take a job at a supermarket: the story: the movie: the sequel: the game

by funkopop



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: illumi is there for like a second and then he just fucks off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:24:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkopop/pseuds/funkopop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fun times at the supermarket with hunty x hunter</p>
            </blockquote>





	chrollo and the gang take a job at a supermarket: the story: the movie: the sequel: the game

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a long time ago while i was at the doctors office! plz enjoty

so one day Chrollo was reading his bible and then like half way thru reading in the dimly lit room, he placed his bible down and turned to face his troupe.

“fuck did you guys know tht youre not supposed to steal? It says so in here” He says to his troupe

“Yea i mean didnt u know that boss?” nobunaga or somebody asks. “we thought u knew that”

Chrollo shakes his greasy head. “no man i didnt know.” he says, “fuck you know what we gotta do now?”

“steal some more?” asks like, feitan or phinks or somebody

“No we gotta stop stealing.” Chrollo says.

“what the hell boss how are we gonna get money to get the stuff we need then??” nobunaga asks

“we just steal the stuff we want” Feitan says

“No feitan. No stealing also means no stealing stuff like food and like, your bootleg sword collection” Shalnark says. he’s fucking smiling, like always. feitan is in awe because this concept of not stealing is new to him.

“Boss if we dont steal money then we cant buy the large amounts of candles u always want” Machi says because machi is smart and beautiful and i love her.

“were gonna get a job at the supermarket down the street and earn money and take part in capitalism like regular everyday humans” Chrollo says. This concept is also new to him but he’s the boss so he can do whatever

“ok everybody here is capable of working except kalluto, who is underage and will instead just stay here with bonovlev, franklin amd kortopi.” chrollo says

“but boss if theyre too young to go get a job with us wouldn’t they also be too young to be apart of the phantom troupe, where we murder and steal and get up to dangerous shenanigans and like half the world wants us dead. Not even to mention the chain guy?” shizuku asks

Chrollo is confused. “um no shizuku like. u can kill ppl at any age but like you gotta be at least 16 or smth to work in retail.” Chrollo says. Hes a okay with letting a ten year old into dangerous situations and the possiblity of death but retail business is fuckimg hell and possibly even worse than any of the shenanigans theyve been up to PLUS the pay isnt anything near what they get when they steal and theres no way hes letting a ten year old into that. He pets kallutos head because everyone in the troupe love kalluto as if they were their child

Holy shit these guys are fucking weird. kalluto thinks to themself.

Anyways chrollo and the gang all go get jobs with the exception of kortopi, benolovev, franklin and of course kalluto. They walk into the store and the first thing that greets them is hisoka, who is wearing full clown makeup. Like who puts hisoka at the front of a supermarket anyways. The first thing you’d see was a shitty clown and then would you even want to enter the store?

Hisoka sees chrollo and hes like shit i wanna fight him. But he cant since theres a strict no fighting policy which is there mostly because of hisoka. So hisoka has to say welcome instead of immediately swinging at chrollo , which is what he wouldve liked to do.

“wheres the manager theres a help wanted sign and we’re the help”chrollo says. Illumi shows up, not only because hes the manager but also because he and hisoka have the tendency to show up when you dont want them to.

“are u looking for a job” he asks.

“yea” chrollo says.

“arent u like the phantom troupe tho” illumi says. He has on one of those likr, visor hat things anf a fanny pack and a smiley face pin on his shirt. “My dad said to stay away from u guys”

“youve associated with us like more than once in the past” machi says, continuing to be smart and beautiful.

“yea ur right. ur hired.” illumi says and he leaves because fuck illumi.

the troupe has to change into uniforms similar to illumi’s, complete with smiley face pin. They go to their work stations and chrollo ends up having his check out Like right next to kurapika’s. Kurapika is tired and their eyes are red and when they see chrollo they have to try to keep themself from fighting chrollo, because even though the no fighting rule was put in place mostly because of hisoka,it was also there to keep kurapika from fighting any of thr spiders should any spiders come into the store.

“why u working here” chrollo asks kurapika to be a friendly neighbour since they work together now.

“i got a husband and kids to feed” kurapika says. theyre married to leorio and gon is their son. Killua is their son-in-law even though killua and gon havent gotten married (yet) since killua is Gon’s bf (bro friend) .

“arent u a hunter ur like rich” chrollo asks

“yea but ur rich too.” kurapika says. Both of them are then quiet because they’re both rich and have no reason to work there and they’re aware of this.

Anyways the work day begins. Machi does a good job because she’s smart and beautiful and because she’s motivated by her gfs paku and shizuku. But hisoka keeps leaving the entrance to come flirt with her and hes not at all frightened when machi, shizuku and paku all threaten to kick his ass and is, instead, turned on by it.

I dont even know why hisoka wont leave machi alone, since hes already bros with benefits with illumi, a relationship where they trade clothes and sometimes make out, all while being completely fucking disgusting people together. And machi is also already in a wonderful poly relationship with her gfs paku and shizuku.

Anyways its the final fuckin straw for machi when a customer comes to her and hisoka interferes.

The customr walks up with some gum. “how much for this gum?” the customer says.

Hisoka shows up, as he always does, where hes not wanted. “Bungee gum,” he says, “it has the properties of both rubber and gum” he continues. He had heard the word gum and had assumed that the costumer wanted to know about his bungee gum, which has the properties of rubber and gum.

Hisoka creeps the customer out as he continues talking about bungee gum, which has the properties of rubber and gum, and the customer leaves without buying the gum.

“Nobody fucking asked hisoka.” Machi says. She’s pissed bc if she had sold that gum she could’ve gone on break. Nobody likes it when hisoka starts talking about bungee gum, which, btw idk if i mentioned, has the properties of both rubber and gum.

Anyways machi, paku and shizuku kick hisokas ass. They beat him up so bad that he can’t move. He enjoys it cuz he got some weird ass kinks. He probably has death as a kink on his f-list. They put him back at the entrance and put a sign beside him that says “Beat this clowns ass please”.

while this was happening the rest of the spiders were doimg their jobs, i guess. Shalnark was s popular cashier because he kept fcking smiling. Almost to a point where it was creepy but people didnt care. since if they didnt go to shalnarks check out they would have to either go to machis, where she and her gfs were busy beating up hisoka, and nobody wanted to interrupt that because everyone wanted hisoka to get his ass beat, or feitan’s, and even though he wasn’t doing anything weird he was creepy looking plus he was at his check out reading his kinky books and looked like he’d kill you if you interrupted him, which he probably would have.

Nobunaga and phinks were there i guess but i hate them both and dont feel like writing about them.

at some point during the day tonpa walks in. He goes into the store and then goes to chrollos check out with a lot of juice and a lot of laxatives. Everyone knows what hes gonna fuckin do with all those laxatives and juice but he keeps smirking like its some big secret.

Chrollo checks all the laxatives and juice. He then begins to take out one of those plastic bags that say thank you on them to put the laxatives and juice in but kurapika stops him.

“we have special bags for tonpa.” kurapika says. They hand chrollo a bag that’s just like the thank you bags except it says fuck you instead of thank you. Chrollo takes it and puts tonpas stuff in it.

Normally kurapika wouldn’t want to communicate with chrollo like at all but it was very important to them that tonpa got the fuck you bag. It was an unbroken tradition and every time tonpa came in to buy anything they would put his purchases in the fuck you bags. Originally the fuck you bag was for hisoka, but then hisoka started working there and so then they stopped. kurapika had also planned to put any of the spiders purchases in those bags if any of them shopped there but now that the spiders worked there that plan had been scrapped.

Tonpa walked out with hurt feelings because he had been so close to getting a thank you bag. I’d say poor tonpa but fuck tonpa.

Killua and gon walk into the store. At the entrance they see hisoka there and the sign that tells you to beat him up. Killua kicks him in the face so hard that Hisoka actually feels pain instead of being turned on.

“ow what the fuck” he says Then gon fuking punches him. Im talking like really hard too. Like, the kind of punch that would kill a normal human being. It hurts so much.

“fuck you.” Gon says to hisoka. gon usually doesnt swear but he felt it was appropriate in this situation since hisoka is a disgusting man and his weird obsession with gon was disturbing. Hisoka lays there crying bc the punch really hurt and gon takes killuas hand and the two of them walk into the store.

First they go talk with their mom kurapika. Kurapika asks stuff a mom would ask like, “have u boys been eating well” and stuff about leorio like “is he behaving himself?”*. After this conversation, Killua goes into the sweets aisle and takes everything thats in there and buys it. Kurapika doesnt question this. they checks all the sweets and killua pays for it in cash. Gon also buys a stuffed animal and a really fancy tea party set for alluka.

“we’re having a tea party with alluka.” gon says to kurapika.

“is that what all the sweets are for?” kurapika asks.

“what the fuck no??” killua says, “i mean like, SOME but for the most part it’s for me i just really want some candy.”

“how do u not have cavities holy shit.” kurapika says as they hand the boys the receipt.

as killua and gon leave the store they beat up hisoka some more. Then they leave because nobody wants to spend too much time anywhere near hisoka.

a lot of stuff happens for a while. like i’m stating this because i’m too tired to write anymore. At one point pariston shows up. He’s banned from the store though so he just stands outside the door looking inside and smiling. this is a regular occurrence so nobody says anything.

after a while chrollo gets sick of working in retail so he’s like. fuck it im going to go back to stealign shit. The Lord will forgive me.

chrollo gathers his troupe and steals every fucking candle from the store and then leaves. kurapika goes back to being the only person working at the store and people start coming to the store just so they can beat the shit out of hisoka at the entrance. the end.

**Author's Note:**

> *imlaughing why is kurapika talking about leorio as if he were 3
> 
> because leorio doesnt behave himself he does things like jack off


End file.
